


The Way Forward

by psych0tastic



Series: The Way Forward [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-08
Updated: 2014-07-08
Packaged: 2018-02-08 00:11:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1919400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psych0tastic/pseuds/psych0tastic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which their friendship is subjected to a change seven years overdue. But it’s the wait that made everything all the more worthwhile, in Yamaguchi’s opinion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Way Forward

**Author's Note:**

> Do note that this is a friendship/ preslash fic! Takes place between the defining moment of their friendship during the training camp and the Spring High Preliminaries.

Five days.

Five days since that confrontation at the training camp.

Five days since he had been called a 'cool guy' for the first time ever in his life, by one Tsukishima Kei – coolness manifested and personified .

Five days since they had been locked in this uncomfortable, irresolvable stalemate.

Yamaguchi just couldn't win.

He knew, from the very moment when he stepped into Tsukki's personal space, curled a fist into a his shirt and hauled him in to yell in his face those five days ago that the confrontation would change something between them. It was probably the subconscious reason why he had been hesitant about approaching Tsukki at all in the first place, unsure about how he should even go about doing it, how he should even go about articulating the tumultuous thoughts in his mind without damaging their fragile friendship.

Then Tsukki had grinned wryly, called him cool, and then left with the air of the purposeful and resolute, saying something about asking someone about something.

It felt like he'd left and hadn't come back.

He expected the confrontation to yield change. For Tsukki to be angry at him. For Tsukki to grow defensive and hostile, perhaps.

Not... _this_.

It felt like nothing had changed at all. Or rather, something _had_ changed, but neither of them wanted to address the elephant in the room. Nor did they have any idea of how to go about doing it.

The day after the confrontation, Yamaguchi was unsure of how to interact with Tsukki. Was Tsukki mad at him? Should he apologize for going too far yesterday? Should he laugh it off? Those questions churned viciously in his mind and caused his gut to clench uncomfortably, even as he considered Tsukki warily from a safe distance. Were they going to talk about it? Was Tsukki going to say anything about it?

Some minutes into the day and the answer became clear alongside the sky that dawned and brightened:

Obviously not.

Tsukki never said a word and following his lead, neither did Yamaguchi. He continued to orbit in Tsukki's vicinity through the day and Tsukki never objected, nor did he give any indication that he wanted distance away from him. Tsukki continued to make offhanded, sarcastic remarks about the gungho volleyball maniacs they were surrounded by at the training camp, drawing light sniggers from him like an ingrained reaction from the past seven years of doing so.

Their interactions didn't change, but there was an uncomfortable thread of tension underlying the seemingly calm surface of their friendship.

He noticed Tsukki watching him sometimes, out of the corner of his eye – considering and thoughtful. He could feel the weight of his friend's stare settling at the back of his neck every time he was busy doing something else, like warm-ups, flying falls or running laps. It felt like there was something he wanted to say, like words were in his chest and already rising to his lips, but he'd always look away when Yamaguchi tried to catch his eye, glasses gleaming to obscure the thoughts behind his gaze.

And in all honesty, Yamaguchi was scared of what those words could be, which was why he hadn't pressed.

It scared him so much, such that he was secretly relieved about Bokuto and Kuroo constantly finding ways and means to drag Tsukki away after their matches, taking the heavy weight of Tsukki's gaze along with them.

Admittedly though, it also made him jealous whenever Tsukki would reluctantly acquiesce to Bokuto's loud demands and walk away from him to do extra practice with players from the other schools, more than he had ever agreed to with their own team (and him. What about him?). On the other hand, he was glad and happy that Tsukki was tentatively starting to experience volleyball for real once again, starting to see the joy in putting effort into something, in investing sweat and tears and laughter (or, well, smug smirks would be more relevant, perhaps?) into something.

The incompatible mix of those emotions Tsukki's absence elicited in him left him feeling off and listless. In those moments, he would wander around looking for something to keep himself busy with – sometimes practicing his serves and receives with Nishinoya-senpai, sometimes helping the other schools clean up from their practice matches. There were also times where he found himself helping Yachi chase down volleyballs and rounding them up, often alongside Hinata who would be blabbering away about volleyball, food, the weather, and sometimes even volleyball a mile a minute.

He had never made any other friends after making the decision to be Tsukki's back when he was eight. Which was why it had surprised him to find himself developing a friendship between the other two first years.

Through their conversations, he came to find that Yacchi was cute and very sweet – much like how she looked. She also had a very amusing stretch of imagination. There was once where the three of them got into a discussion of all the various dangerous situations they could think of (like accidentally spilling ramen broth on a yakuza boss, stumbling upon a kidnapping or, or, or maybe even getting stalked by a psychotic serial killer that turned out to be a ghost with a vengeance against young girls with ponytails because of her boyfriend ditching her for one in her past life??) and what they would do, of all things. She got extremely hysterical at one point and caused Hinata to get extremely hysterical as well. It was like a train wreck, and the three of them found themselves huddling protectively in a group when they left the practice hall to traipse into the night and darkened corridors to head to the cafeteria. They jumped at every slight noise and rustle of the wind in the leaves. They had proceeded to shriek in terror and dash away in a stampede of elephant feet when Nishinoya had popped up suddenly behind them, with a loud and cheerful “Hey! What are you first-years doi- OI! DON'T JUST RUN OFF FROM ME!!”

...yeah. Nishinoya-senpai himself had a good laugh over that afterwards.

He also found it amazing that she was able to keep up with Hinata (despite not being able to do it all the time. But just being able to sometimes was impressive enough to him). They shared a camaraderie in being utterly perplexed at the distinction between Hinata's sound effects and the source of his relentless energy.

With Hinata, he found said energy of his utterly infectious. He was like the Sun in his name and burned as high in the sky and twice as brightly in your eyes. He was so short when he stood right next to you, but he looked and leapt towards a future further than Yamaguchi himself would ever consider for himself and that made him taller than anyone he knew. He really was a dumbass with nothing but volleyball on the brain (his solution to the hypothetical kidnapping for one, was to spike a volleyball in the kidnappers' face. Like it was a given that everyone would be traveling around with a volleyball in hand at any hour of the day) but his passion for it was both humbling and inspiring.

On the final day of training camp, when everyone was gathered and happily eating grilled food and fresh fruit, there was a point where Tsukki got called (or, well, dragged) away from where he was sitting next to him by Bokuto. Yamaguchi was watching Bokuto pile meat onto a disgusted Tsukki's plate when Yachi pressed herself next to his side and Hinata to his other.

The three of them looked at Tsukki and Bokuto in silence.

“...I hope you guys make up soon,” Yachi said, voice and expression soft. She timidly touched his shoulder and when he relaxed, soothed his back with a more confident touch. To his left, Hinata nodded sagely.

“Yeah, it's kinda weird to see one of you without the other, you know? You should be right next to him adding the veggies or something.”

Yamaguchi made a noise of protest because what was he, Tsukki's mother? And it caused Tsukki to turn sharply and look it their direction.

And then his eyes narrowed.

Before anybody could say “oops” the two of them had gone, leaving Yamaguchi painfully alone to feel extremely uncomfortable and exposed under that sharp, piercing gaze.

Training camp ended with an even odder tension between them.

###

Five days later, Tsukishima messaged him to meet him by the playground where they had first met. Reading that message glowing up at him from a phone held up by a trembling hand, Yamaguchi thought to himself that _oh, so he's finally ready to say what he wants to say, huh_.

He wanted to toss his phone aside, crawl under the covers and focus on willing the choppy seas in his stomach away – but he didn't.

Where Tsukki beckoned, he followed. Seven years and that had become the rule, and he couldn't bear to break anything more between them.

He arrived at the playground first, drawn to and lingering at the spot where he had been shoved over by the weight of heavy school bags once upon a time. He remembered knocking his head against the wood of those see-saws, the pain and the unjust he felt and the burn of humiliated tears in his eyes. He remembered the scratch of the horrid branch one of the bullies had used to poke and prod him, remembered nasty childish laughter and the strongest urge to burst into tears and scrub his freckles and pimples off his face.

He remembered a looming figure; black glasses that glinted; a head of touseled blond hair that shone with the sun at its back.

“Hey.”

Yamaguchi turned.

It was like he hadn't changed. It was like _they_ hadn't changed.

“H-hey,” Yamaguchi said in return, hoping that Tsukki wouldn't say anything about the waver in his voice because it was a definite that he had heard. He tried to wipe his eyes discreetly with the back of his hand, but there was no discreet way to do that ever, was there? “What did you want to meet here for, Tsukki?”

Tsukki looked quietly at him, gaze unreadable. Yamaguchi was about to shuffle his feet from how restless he felt when Tsukki raised the plastic bag he was holding. It bore the logo of the convenience store just a short distance away.

“Let's eat while we talk,” Tsukki said simply. It didn't escape Yamaguchi's notice that the hand inside the pocket of his hoodie had curled into a fist.

They settled on the benches, built for parents to gather and watch over their kids as they played on the playground. It was a little short, and Tsukki stretched his legs out before leaning back against the bench. Yamaguchi sat beside him tentatively, shifting his feet to curl under the bench.

He was so distracted by his thoughts that the popsicle that suddenly appeared in his line of vision startled him. Tsukki's face didn't change at all when he stuttered out a thanks, carefully plucked the popsicle from chilled long fingers and begun to eat.

For the first few moments, there was only awkward silence punctuated by the wet sounds of lips and tongues slurping against flavoured ice. Then Yamaguchi resolutely placed his hands against his knees, setting the popsicle away from his mouth.

“You,” Yamaguchi started.

“I,” said Tsukki, at the very same time.

They paused and stared expectantly at each other.

“You go first,” Yamaguchi very gracefully said.

“No,” Tsukki shot back. He set his popsicle against his lips, a clear indication that he wasn't going to start first. Yamaguchi was about to protest and say 'who was it that called me out here again?' when Tsukki narrowed his eyes dangerously. Yamaguchi wisely went first.

“You,” Yamaguchi started. Then he sighed and hunched his shoulders, fixing his eyes to the ground. “You're mad at me, aren't you?”

“What?”

He turned his head slightly only to see Tsukki's face take on a perplexed frown. The popsicle had stained his lips green, which had sharply spat the word out. Yamaguchi took a deep breath.

“Look, I'm sorry for confronting you like that and reminding you of what happened with your brother, but I don't exactly regret it?” Tsukki's expression was starting to contort unpleasantly and Yamaguchi hastily went ahead. “I mean, look at you! You've been practicing more! You're putting in more effort! And each time you manage to block Hinata or Bokuto successfully, you get this look in your eyes – you're happy! I know you are! It's like you're starting to fall in love with volleyball aga – ”

“Tadashi,” Tsukki said curtly, cutting him off extremely effectively. He sighed and ran the hand free from the stickiness of melted popsicle through his choppy hair. “I'm not mad at you.”

Yamaguchi blinked.

“You're... not?”

Tsukki shot him a look so irritated that very eloquently said, are you seriously expecting me to repeat myself? Yamaguchi immediately believed him.

“But if you're not mad,” he said slowly, haltingly, “Why did you ask me to meet you here, if not to dissolve our friendship?”

“ _What?_ ”

Yamaguchi instinctively shrank a little at the tone.

“I just thought... With how tensed it's been between us lately...” Tsukki's face only got more and more perplexed with every word coming out of Yamaguchi's mouth. Yamaguchi felt hope bloom, tentative and joyful, in his chest. “So you mean we can go back to being friends then?”

There was a pause. Tsukki took on that considering look as he regarded Yamaguchi.

“...no,” he finally said.

Yamaguchi felt as though somebody had taken an axe and embedded it in his chest. Maybe it was the psychotic stalker ghost Yachi had been talking about? Yamaguchi couldn't even bring himself to care. He just continued to stare at Tsukki, shocked and numb. He could feel his eyes starting to ache from holding them open so wide.

And then Tsukki sighed and shifted slowly, each little action monumental. He looked away from Yamaguchi to gaze at the spot where he had been standing at earlier, reminiscing childhood memories.

“The thing is,” he said quietly, blinking languidly in the light of the setting sun, “I haven't exactly been a friend to you, have I.”

… _?_

“You took me by surprise you know, when you confronted me like that five days ago. I never thought you were capable of being so sure, so passionate, and I've known you for seven years.”

Tsukki sighed again and folded his long legs in, hunching over to put his elbows on his knees and prop his chin against his palm. Yamaguchi's popsicle continued to drip from his fingers and stain his jeans a dirty yellow.

“You were really cool. And you were right, I was being pathetic and... I wanted to thank you, I guess, for making me see that.”

Yamaguchi's popsicle continued to drip into a puddle on the ground. Even the puddle seemed stunned.

“That, and for putting up with this shitty friendship I've subjected you to for seven years. Frankly, I'm surprised you even stayed around that long. I would have left me long ago, so... thanks. I guess.”

Tsukki finally turned back to look right at Yamaguchi, who probably had on the stupidest expression in the world. From the way Tsukki's face changed upon looking at him, it probably wasn't an exaggerration either.

Yamaguchi looked on in distant wonder at Tsukki's pink ears, the way his shoulders were hitched only slightly higher than usual and the way Tsukki was digging to toe of his right sneaker into the dirt. He watched as Tsukki's embarrassed gaze flicked down to Yamaguchi's knees and promptly lost what embarrassment there was. When he looked back at him, there was wry amusement in his gaze instead.

“How much of your popsicle did you even eat?”

Yamaguchi startled and only then found out about the mess all over his jeans.

“What the - ?! Oh no, I didn't even realize! Ah, my mum's going to be so mad when she sees....! Why didn't you say anything sooner, Tsukkiiii!”

And then Tsukki laughed.

It was a short, sudden sound – halting, like Tsukki had reeled it at the last moment. He seemed as shocked as Yamaguchi was, amber eyes brilliant and wide behind his glasses, cheeks still lightly pink from his words before and the fading vestiges of the sun.

“That was,” Yamaguchi started, staring.

“That wasn't,” Tsukki said, biting his lip.

He couldn't help it. Five days of tension and thinking that Tsukki was going to disband their friendship when it turned out he actually wanted to work on it. Five days of drifting apart from each other, of subjecting themselves to the company of other volleyball idiots. Seven years of missing out on this easy interaction and two minutes of the happiest he had ever been in his life.

Mentally, Yamaguchi threw his arms up in the face of the swell of emotions within him in surrender.

And snorted.

Tsukki eyed him warily as the soft snort morphed into sniggers and gradually escalated into giggles stifled against the palms of his hands. The image of Tsukki's disgusted face at Bokuto piling dripping meat onto his plate suddenly surfaced in his mind and where it had left his gut churning then, it left him grinning giddily now. He was hysterical, probably, no thanks to Hinata and Yachi infecting him with their antics over the last few days of the training camp and _he couldn't stop_. At least, not until Tsukki's lips pulled up helplessly in the face of his relentless mirth, curling into a lopsided, awkward grin that was more precious than gold and worth every bitter, painful memory Yamaguchi had to endure till this day, with how his heart thrilled in delighted surprise and swelled fit to burst within him.

When his hysterics subsided into gentle hiccups, he took deep breaths to bask in the refreshing chill of the evening breeze, listening to the swings creak softly in the background. He turned to Tsukki, and wasn't surprised at all to see gentle outlines of the moon in the dim sky positioned in such a way that it served as a beautiful backdrop created just for him. Sometimes, Yamaguchi couldn't help but feel like nature itself bent over backwards to accommodate this one boy with as much attitude as he had height, a boy who could simply reach up and pluck the stars from the sky if he would just try.

“Tsukki,” he whispered, breathless. “Let's both do our best for the Spring High together.”

If Tsukki's idea of actual friendship involved this many tiny awkward smiles and soft flushes along the ridge of his cheekbones and ears, Yamaguchi was going to have to come up with a way of hiding just how happy each of them made him feel lest he scare Tsukki off by accident. In the meantime, he was going to hoard them all, carefully and selfishly, and keep them to himself in a jar like he used to do to fireflies on warm summer nights as a child, entranced by the beauty of their soft green-yellow glow.

“Sure,” Tsukki said. He looked away from Yamaguchi, closed his eyes and tilted his head back. The wind ruffled his hair gently; fondly.

Even without the sun, the way forward had never looked brighter.


End file.
